Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
