dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
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