Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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