it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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