just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
