YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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