This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
