Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
