I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
