I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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