for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
