her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Randomize
