and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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