gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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