the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
