On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
