Well apparently he's into motor boating.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
