I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
