Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
