He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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