I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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