Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
