the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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