I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Randomize
