i always forget guys have bellybuttons
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
