I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
