I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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