she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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