I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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