Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Randomize
