I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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