My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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