take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
