Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
