I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
