so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize