I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
