i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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