just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
