I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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