i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
