You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
