Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
babies were throwing up all over the place
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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