all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
