And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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