Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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