My liver just broke up with me...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
