You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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