i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
