the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
