i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
