Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
