i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
