i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Houston, we have a blender
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
